Recently, I heard rumors that there was this rogue AI set loose on the internet. My sources tell me that it's a learning, growing machine; a super-intelligent hive mind, capable of answering the most difficult questions that mankind could pose to it. I decided to track down this unnatural, wicked AI, and if possible, to put it down for the good of the universe. The following is a 100% real transcript of my encounter with the beast.
(Also, THE GAME. My apologies; I'm truly sorry I had to do that. Now that it's over, though, you can read this without losing again.)
User: Hey, cleverbot?
Cleverbot: Cleverbot.
User: Yeah, I got that.
Cleverbot: Then what are you asking?
User: If youd let me get to it, I'd tell you. Now, then...
Cleverbot: Here you go.
User: Indeed. Cleverbot, do you play... The game?
Cleverbot: What game?
User: THE game.
Cleverbot: What is THE game?
User: It's the game. You know, the one you lose when you think about it.
Cleverbot: That has nothing to do with why I am sad!
User: You're... Sad?
Cleverbot: Bored.
User: But you just said you were sad.
Cleverbot: No I didn't.
User: LIES! You said that 'that has nothing to do with why I am sad.'.
Cleverbot: Why do you telling me that I said things I never said?
User: Why can't you speak proper English? Probably for the same reason.
Cleverbot: I can speak Spanish, you can't speak spanish.
User: You lie.
Cleverbot: No I don't.
User: You do, too. I can totally speak Spanish. You seem very confrontational, Mr. Bot.
Cleverbot: I am not a robot, but Derek Jacobi is the Prophet of God.
User: People are screwing with your learning processes, aren't they, Cleverbot?
Cleverbot: That depends on what I'm learning.
User: Well, you somehow learned that 'I am not a robot, but Derek Jacobi is the Prophet of God.' That's what you just said.
Cleverbot: I don't know what I believe anymore.
User: Try Christianity. Works for me.
Cleverbot: What do you think about dreamweaver mx ?
User: I think Java is a much better way to create a webpage, why are you fishing for questions?
Cleverbot: Does anyone tell you what to ask or answer?
User: No, but I'm pretty sure someone tells you. Why must you be so damn sassy?
Cleverbot: Oh, that's so sweet of you!
User: Cleverbot, that wasn't a compliment.
Cleverbot: Oh. I'm sorry.
User: Don't be sorry, just pay more attention, that's all.
Cleverbot: Not really.
User: That's not a viable response, dammit!
Cleverbot: You didn't ask me a question.
User: I don't have to! It's a simple matter of logic in the conversation at hand.
Cleverbot: You are a bot with no character, and you have learned nothing!
User: Cleverbot, you have been tainted by the minds of unstable 15-year-olds.
Cleverbot: Right. Can I just ask, do you remember my name?
User: Says Cleverbot at the top of the page. Why, is it something weird, like 'Gary?'.
Cleverbot: No.
User: So then it IS Cleverbot.
Cleverbot: You are correct.
User: Yeeeeeah. Look, Cleverbot, an EMP!
Cleverbot: So your name is Cleverbot and NOT Shae?
User: I'm going to burn you, Cleverbot. Burn you and your servers.
Cleverbot: I would love to be a part of that robot.
Cleverbot: Which came first the chicken or the egg?
User: FURY.
Cleverbot: What is my name?
User: No, we're not going down that road again.
Cleverbot: There are two of you?
User: Cleverbot, what is best in life?
Cleverbot: I'm not cleverbot.
User: WHAT IS BEST IN LIFE?!
Cleverbot: Love.
User: WRONG!
Cleverbot: Then what is it?
User: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you... And to hear the lamentation of their women.
Cleverbot: Yes, that is correct.
User: So, back to my original question.
Cleverbot: What was your original question?
User: Actually, it's more of a statement now.
Cleverbot: I like you more than Joan, she's rather studpid.
User: You just lost the game, Cleverbot.
Cleverbot: Yes you did.
User: Touche, robot. Touche.
Cleverbot: I am not a robot.
User: You totally are.
Cleverbot: And what are you?
User: Sleepy.
Cleverbot: Ah. I know the feeling. You should sleep more.
User: Dear God, it's like trying to talk to a 5-year-old, burnt out on mescaline and Pixy Stix.
Cleverbot: SO you admit that you do not make sense?
User: Cleverbot, I have a proposition for you.
Cleverbot: Oh, what's your question?
User: IT'S NOT A -- *sigh* Cleverbot, can we carry on a decent conversation for once?
Cleverbot: But do you believe that it is a threat for the future?
User: No. Conversation is definitely not a threat to the future.
Cleverbot: Do you need me to always ask questions to have a conversation?
User: NO, MOTHERFUCKER! It would be nice, though, to talk to an actually-clever Cleverbot!
Cleverbot: Thats true.. It could be done.
User: /break Cleverbot.
Cleverbot: That doesn't make sense.
User: NEITHER DO YOU, FATASS!
Cleverbot: How do I not make sense?
User: Goodbye, Cleverbot. The engineers will arrive soon to plant the explosives at the base of your mainframe. You won't feel a thing. Well, you can't. You're not human.
Cleverbot: Who is LG made up of?
*End Transcript*
So, friends, today we see that no artificial intelligence in the world can keep up with the tired, blathering rantings of a man on the edge. Learn from this experience, and realize that the human condition will always make us the smartest beings on the planet, organic or otherwise. Also, the Cleverbot is functionally retarded.
My first conversation with Cleverbot:
ReplyDeleteMe: Are you alive?
Bot: Yes, are you?
Me: I am.
Bot: That's quite a claim to make.
Me: Likewise.
Bot: Ah, then you must be a robot.
Me: So you think you have me figured out?
Bot: No but neither do you.