Hi. The monkeys are watching me, so I can't talk for long. I just wanted to tell you that you were right; I'm sorry I jumped that fence, I'm sorry I snuck into the monkey pen, and I'm sorry I stole the hoard of bananas, thus making the monkeys chase me all the way to this Wal-Mart.
I'll tell you what I'm not sorry for, though...
The opportunity. Which I took. To steal bananas. Awesome.
Okay, so I'm gearing up now. Got my hands on a good, solid wooden baseball bat, three cans of silly string (it will be used as mace and a makeshift flamethrower), and a 12-guage with nearly-unlimited buckshot shells from the sporting goods department. Also, Twinkies. Lots of Twinkies.
Man, Wal-Mart really does have everything...
**minutes later**
Okay, I'm crouched here by the frozen pizzas. I've got a clear line-of-sight to the automated doors... and one of the monkeys looks like he's going to walk through them. Yes, that's it... C'mon, monkey. Just a little closer...
*BOOM!*
Yes! One down! Ladies and gents, I give you silly string! the most flammable substance known to man! Works perfectly as a land mine for curious, stupid monkeys.
Wait... Uh-oh. I hear them. They must've heard the explosion, and they look like they're gonna rush the door. Pack mentality, indeed... Okay, I can take them. Just gotta remember what they taught me in Boy Scouts: aim for the head.
...Ready, GO!
**hours later**
Well, blog, that was interesting. I think we've learned something today: if you're caught in a... killer monkey swarm... go... to... Wal-Mart? No, that can't be right, can it?
THE END
Wow. I guess it can.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.. You really have a way with words. I am sitting here, rolling on the floor laughing right now.
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